I know Im tired of thinking and talking about it too. However I am interested in looking back on this in a few months or years or however long it will be and see how much has changed. how crazy this all is. Because right now It feels like a bad dream you cant wake up from. So heres some pictures and statistics and basically how I spent my 23rd birthday in quarantine. Also a side note, these pictures were all taken on a Sunday and Monday afternoons when these places are usually packed out.
I have been keeping a journal during all of this. And I want to keep that for myself, however It is funny to look back on those first couple weeks. when there was always breaking news. The one day Im thinking of specifically was a Wednesday. I was subbing in a third grade class I had never been in before and It was a really great day. The kids were great the lessons the teacher left were great and kids responded well. I really enjoyed my day. However I did have some rough moments like a few girls crying over the news about this "Chinese virus" as they kept calling it. They clutched their bath and body works hand sanitizers in their hands and it took a lot of work to keep their minds off of it all. That was also the day colleges began to close. Michigan state were canceling classes that day and sending kids home, and all I could think was "How crazy. I wont be worried until they cancel my school." Then sure enough that night My university closed and went all online for the rest of the month. All I could think was, "How crazy. I wont be worried until they close for the rest of the year."
So with this new open schedule I went onto my sub agency website and accepted a ton of jobs. all different ages, some at schools I had never subbed at before. Some in my favorite classes and schools. Including one job the next day, at another school. I had never been to before.
These kiddos were taking this all in better strides than the third graders. they were older, and were using humor as a coping mechanism. the day went by great. Then within the last ten minutes of the day, someone comes down and tells all the kids to bring home their chrome books and chargers. The kids looked at me panicked. one kid nearly in tears because the silly little virus jokes weren't so funny. It was a Thursday, they were supposed to have school tomorrow. So I told them that it was possible they would need to close for a long weekend to just clean down the school really well. As I was leaving I heard whispers of schools closing the next day and maybe even part of the following week. Again all I could think was "How crazy. I wont be worried until they close schools for the rest of the year." That night they closed schools for the rest of the month.
Over the course of those few days and the following week, I felt like everything I had going on was taken from me. My job which I love, the gym which I was finally getting back into and doing really well, and all of these things that were looking up after a long winter. And I was left without any of it.
As time went on, more things closed, things became more and more restricted I just felt stir crazy. not because I don't love being home (which I so do) I love taking care of my room and doing things around the house, but suddenly these everyday things were taken an dI was just left with this empty and stressed feeling. I remember after the first week I told my mom "I cant believe I have to do this week all over again."
Then my fears all kept coming true, the colleges closing for the semester, schools closing, and I was left without a job until September. So I actually went and got a job at a retail store to pass the time. I missed being busy, having something to work for and do. I didn't want to just rely on this government check to get me through.
So with all of that said, and with all the emotions and thoughts still swirling in my head. I try to remind myself that this is temporary. that this is a story I will tell my kids one day. And that despite the struggle and confusion and lack of control, that this is a good time to grow and experience life like I never have before.
One last thing to note on all of this, all winter I kept talking about taking time to disapere. Time a few weeks or even a few months to just retreat to work on myself and my life and recenter. and God sure did answer that prayer. and even though I am working quite a bit and am feeling busier than I ever have. I do have these great moments of quiet and peace that I wouldnt have had typically.